I am Evil

[matthew]

I feel Evil. It's like nothing i do is right, and I am always attacking people and judging them, and thinking bad thoughts about them, and comparing my self to them and wishing them harm. I feel like the most evil person in the world.

I want to help people, and don't want to hurt them, or control them, or judge them, or anything like that. I want to love people. i want God to transform me into his image.

Even when i try to do the right thing, i end up doing the wrong thing. i feel like everyone is accusing me, and pointing their fingers at me. laughing and pointing and judging and hating me.

I feel pains in my chest. I think that i'm about to die. I feel that everything is a waste of time. I don't know what the future holds, all i know is the past, and how it constantly controls the present , which in turn, determins the future, which looks forever bleak.

I feel God's presence, but I don't feel worthy. I'm not a worthy son. i never follow God. I always go my own way. My own path that leads to destruction. I never spent time getting to know God. I try, but fall away every single time. The mind the body, the spirit are all weak.

[Guardian Assassin]

POET dang you could make an excellent author someday! im sitting in the dark of my room tearing up lol

[matthew]

That was kind of how i was feeling yesterday. So it's straight from the heart, i guess. Best an illiterate fellow like myself can manage

Thanks for the compliment

[Guardian Assassin]

no problem man. i like poetry. i feel evil sometimes too lol

[Michael]

*stifles laughter* lol.... I was about to say," Hey! It's a poem!" But then I would be Captian Obvious. lol... but yeah, M@, that was awesome. I believe that I can relate to some of the ways you feel because I am like that also. It's a very frustrating spot to be in, but thanking I've rarely ever there very long.

[wraith89]

Want to know a secret? I hate everyone, including myself. I'm evil.

[lhw]

Sounds like you just need a hug.

[Crippled Munchkin]

we're all sinners. what you call evil is actually the nature of man. i know what you feel like. high school is a tough place to be Christ-like. all we can do is strive to be like Christ as much as possible and love our enemies. hope you feel better soon matt

(sorry for stealin the image LHW, matt just needs a hugging smilie)

[bethany54]

I think that we all feel evil at times but God has made us new creations according to His Word. He sent Jesus to live among us and be one with us. I tend to believe that even Jesus had bad days too. He got disappointed in His disciples and all the religious people around Him.

I don't think that God wants us to judge ourselves either. It is way too easy to fall into the trap of depression when we do. Self condemnation is one of the worst things I do to myself. At those times, I remind myself to pray for a heart modeled after God's Own heart. I like that Amy Grant song "My Father's Eyes" and I listen to it a lot.

[lhw]

crippledmunchkin said:

(sorry for stealin the image LHW, matt just needs a hugging smilie)

Thief! THIEF!! I'm reporting you for bandwidth theft! You, sir, are EVIL!!! I wish ban!!

Do you realize how much bandwidth a 3.22KB image uses!? Especially when you have unlimited bandwidth!?

Wait...what?

Oh yeah...my ISP provides unlimited bandwidth. Heh. Silly me. My bad.

Carry on: nothin' to see here.

[matthew]

bethany54 said:

I think that we all feel evil at times but God has made us new creations according to His Word. He sent Jesus to live among us and be one with us. I tend to believe that even Jesus had bad days too. He got disappointed in His disciples and all the religious people around Him.

I don't think that God wants us to judge ourselves either. It is way too easy to fall into the trap of depression when we do. Self condemnation is one of the worst things I do to myself. At those times, I remind myself to pray for a heart modeled after God's Own heart. I like that Amy Grant song "My Father's Eyes" and I listen to it a lot.

hehe, thanks, Bethany. Guys

Yeah, when i made that post the other week, I was feeling pretty low. Looking at my problems and personal faults, rather than looking to God and his forgiveness. I stand by what i said, but I'm not gonna dwell upon it. Or at least try not too, lol. Which is hard.

And don't be down on yourself either, Wraith. I'm sure you don't hate people, as much as you say. Perhaps you are a bit like me. I really like people. i love them. I just find them difficult to deal with at times, lol.

[bethany54]

Agape is the deepest and most essential kind of love. God is our role model for this type of love. He loved us so much that He gave His only Son, Jesus Christ, as a provision for our sin that we might know His love and forgiveness.

Love is a Choice

Real love is a choice. An act of the will. It enables us to accept our differences within relationships and to choose to love the person when we want to lash out or withdraw instead.

At home or at work, there are many times that I find it annoying to adapt to someone else's way of doing or looking at things. When I sense this happening, I talk it over with God. I admit that I have no natural love for them, ask God for His forgiveness and for His love for them. With God's love those irritating habits and opinions fade away and I begin to appreciate the person's strengths again.

Taking the initiative to love others usually triggers a positive response. But when there is no visible response I have to remind myself that I am only responsible for my actions and reactions, not those of other people.

The truth is, people and circumstances don't cause our reactions, they merely reveal our inner condition.

The Real Thing

God gives a clear description of love in the Bible:

"Love never gives up. Love cares for others more than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, it isn't always "me first," doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies" (1 Corinthians 13, The Message).

Jesus Christ is our only model of this love. And we are all still under construction.

[bethany54]

This is set as my homepage and I keep a browser open to it most days while I am online. Listen to the lovely song.

www.fathersloveletter.com/fllpreviewlarge.html

My Child…

You may not know me, but I know everything about you
…Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up
…Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways
…Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered
…Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image
…Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being
…Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring
…Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived
…Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation
…Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book
…Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live
…Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made
…Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb
…Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born
…Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me
…John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love
…1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you
…1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father
…1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could
…Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father
…Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand
…James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs
…Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope
…Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love
…Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore
...Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing
…Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you
…Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession
…Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul
…Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things
…Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me
…Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart
…Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires
…Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine
…Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager
…2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles
…2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you
…Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart
…Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes
…Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth
…Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus
…John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed
…John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being
…Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you
…Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins
…2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled
…2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you
…1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love
…Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me
…1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again
…Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen
…Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father
…Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…Will you be my child?
…John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you
…Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad. Almighty God

PERMISSION TO COPY:
The printed version of Father's Love Letter can be copied and used for free distribution providing the following copyright information is displayed... 'Father's Love Letter used by permission Father Heart Communications Copyright 1999-2005 www.FathersLoveLetter.com'

[wraith89]

We're all evil, but God forgives us.

[bethany54]

wraith89 said:

We're all evil, but God forgives us.

Wraith,

It is true that we were all born evil but when we come to the Father and ask to be forgiven, we are set free from our evilness and we become new creations who walk in the light and bear witness to His mercies. His Son takes up residence in us and transforms us day by day as long as we are willing.

[Gwen]

why why why would a child be born evil?! what a horrible thing to think about yourself that you were born evil! we are what we choose to do, that is who we are.
Bad choices = bad person
Good choices = good person.
You're average human being is somewhere inbetween i know i am, i may have some horrible thoughts sometimes but i very very rarely mean them, & they are quickly forgotton, it certainly shouldn't be held against me. A baby is innocent, i certainly believe my unborn daughter to be innocent, why on earth would she be evil?

[lhw]

niniane said:

why why why would a child be born evil?

Partial responsibility for this train of thought can be blamed on the Catholic Church. With the idea of "Original Sin," a child is considered "evil" until it is baptised in The Church.

[(((Thump))) *bounces*]

lhw said:

Partial responsibility for this train of thought can be blamed on the Catholic Church. With the idea of "Original Sin," a child is considered "evil" until it is baptised in The Church.

I'm Catholic and as much as I should be offended by the word "blamed" being used, I have to full-heartedly agree in this case!

[~•XyMiC•~]

Ah! I thought it was real, lol. I just noticed it was a poem when someone replied. Very Thoughtful Poem, M@