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Post by Gwen on Apr 19, 2006 21:02:44 GMT -5
curtosy of Eddie Izzard...
Eddie: But there must have been a Deathstar canteen, yeah? There must have been a cafeteria downstairs, in between battles, where Darth Vader could just chill and go down:
Vader: "I will have the penne a la arabiata."
Canteen Server: "You'll need a tray."
Vader: "Do you know who I am?"
Canteen Server: "Do you know who I am?"
Vader: "This is not a game of who the heck are you. For I am Vader. Darth Vader. Lord Vader. I can kill you with a single thought!"
Canteen Server: "Well you'll still need a tray."
Vader: "No I will not need a tray. I do not need a tray to kill you. I can kill you without a tray, with the power of the Force - which is strong within me - even though I could kill you with a tray if I so wished. For I would hack at your neck with the thin bit until the blood flowed across the canteen floor!”
Canteen Server: "No, the food is hot. You'll need a tray to put the food on."
Vader: "Oh I see, the food is hot. I'm sorry I, I did not realise. Hah hah! I thought you were challenging me to a fight to the death."
Canteen Server: "Fight to the death? This is canteen, I work here."
Vader: "Yes, but I am Vader, I am Lord Vader. Everyone challenges me to a fight to the death. Lord Vader. Darth Vader, I am Darth Vader, Lord Vader. I run the Deathstar."
Canteen Server: "What's the Deathstar?"
Vader: "This is the Deathstar. You're in the Deathstar. I run this star."
Canteen Server: "This is a star?"
Vader: "This is a star - I run it. I'm your boss."
Canteen Server: "You're Mr Stephens?"
Vader: "No!! who is Mr Stephens?"
Canteen Server: "He's head of catering."
Vader: "I'm not head of catering! I am Vader. I can kill catering with a thought."
Canteen Server: "Huh?"
Vader: "I can kill you all. I can kill me with a thought. Just... I'll get a tray, forget it!"
;D ;D ;D
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Post by Michael on Apr 22, 2006 21:46:07 GMT -5
lol.... Did he make that up?! I love it! It's so crazy! It sounds like me confusing my customers when I get their order at Wendy's. ^^
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Post by Gwen on Apr 25, 2006 13:48:01 GMT -5
i love eddie, he just kills me  |
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Post by cuffy on Apr 25, 2006 14:47:33 GMT -5
HEHEE nice post ;D thanks alot made me smile .
Here is an other for you ...
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little father and son chats. Lightsabers drawn and sparks flying.
Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared into his face, "I know what you're getting for Christmas, Luke," he said, "Ohhh, yes! I know!"
Luke fought himself free and jumped to a higher platfrom just out of Vader's reach, "How do you know!?", Luke yelled at him, "How do you know what I'm getting for Christmas!?"
Darth Vader shot Luke an icy glare,
"I felt your presents."
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Post by Smangii on Apr 25, 2006 15:18:15 GMT -5
ROFL!!! AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAA!!! That is just TOO funny  hehehe...Poor Canteen Server *cackles* |
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Post by Ramen Noodle on Apr 25, 2006 19:45:20 GMT -5
hahaha.. Hmm... thanks Gwen and Cuffy for giving me a good laugh or maybe cackle. XD
All of this reminds me of a Dane Cook joke about when he worked at Burger King or the BK Lounge. (Michael might appreciate this)
In the drive-thru after a woman had finished ordering there was a long pause... "Where do I go?..." she asked.
Dane Cook: "Where do you go? You follow the one freakin' road you're on!... oh no, you drive 10 miles northeast until you reach a gasoline station and old mexican man named Bob will direct you to the BK Headquarters. . . you don't get there in 10 minutes, we take your food."
Dane Cook is one funny guy, just watch out for his language.
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Post by Gwen on Apr 25, 2006 19:58:22 GMT -5
lol cuffy, Kristen  Lol, theres actually more....ehem.... *Vader goes over to trays & starts flicking through them*Vader: This ones wet! and this one, and this one...did you dry these in a rainforest?! Why by the power of the Deathstar can i not find a tray that is dry?!" *goes back to line but someone has pushed in*Vader: No, i was here first! Stormtrooper # 1: You have to form a cue if you want food...ahh, i'll have Pene alla aribiata Vader: No, no no, do you know who i am? Canteen Server: That's Jeff Vader that is! Vader: I'm not Jeff Vader, i'm Darth Vader! Stormtrooper # 1: What Jeff Vader runs the Deathstar? Vader: No...Jeff, no, no i run the Deathstar! Canteen Server: So you're Jeff Vader? Vader: No i'm Darth Vader! Stormtrooper # 1: Are you his brother? Could you get me his autograph? Vader: No, Jeff....*sigh* alright i'm Jeff Vader Stormtrooper # 2: Can i have you're autograph? Vader: No Sod off! Or i'll kill you with a tray!!! Give me Penne Alla aribiata or you shall die! And you and everyone in this Canteen! Death by tray it shall be!!! |
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Post by Ramen Noodle on Apr 26, 2006 16:32:24 GMT -5
haha, Death by tray. XD
I love how he keeps going back to how he can kill someone with a "single thought!" It's kind of how I'd imagine it'd be.
I'd like to see Darth Vader go through a drive-thru... That would be interesting. : D
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Post by Gwen on Apr 26, 2006 19:12:50 GMT -5
*snort* yup!
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Post by Ifrit on Apr 29, 2006 23:27:53 GMT -5
Yeah that would be lol. . . Or better yet, him trying to order pizza
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Post by Smangii on Apr 29, 2006 23:49:15 GMT -5
AHAHHA That's got to be funny ^^ Or take him to Krispy kreme...and let him order some donuts... ha....vader and donuts... *rushes to comic board*
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Post by Ifrit on Apr 30, 2006 16:34:26 GMT -5
lol NO VADER AND FOAMY THE SQUIRREL!
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Post by Gwen on May 1, 2006 10:18:49 GMT -5
huh? whats foamy the squirrel?
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Post by Ifrit on May 1, 2006 16:12:43 GMT -5
You- you don't *twitches* YOU DON'T KNOW WHO FOAMY THE SQURREL IS?! he likes to swear I can tell you that one, and its funny. Foamy is a squirrel who's basically a wise ass let me show you one of his scripts, WARNING LANGUAGE IS Kinda bad. Neurotically Yours: Episode # 015: 5 More Minutes Very Early One Morning... Foamy: Hey, it's already four-fifteen. You know what you gotta do? You gotta get up and drive me to the bagel shop. You wanna know why? Because I need a bagle, and you know I need a bagel. A bagel with cream cheese, yeah the creamy cheese, everybody likes the cream and the cheese and the cheesy cream. And a cup of coffee I definitely need a cup of coffee so you get up and drive me. Germaine: Five more munites. Foamy: Five minutes? What? You crazy? You know, if you were in the army they wouldn't let you sleep an extra five minutes but I'll be nice. I'll be nice. And I'll be back in five minutes. Rest up, 'cuz I shall return. 5 minutes later... Foamy: Now is the time for you to rise and bring your squirrel... to the bagle shop. Cuz I need a bagle. And you said you would five minutes ago. So get up get me bagle and some coffee. And a cheesy cheesy creamy cheesy... cheesy cheesy. Germaine: Five more minutes. Foamy: You know if I could drive a car, I'd go myself. You and your five minutes. Okay, five minutes I come back here, you're not up, I start electricuting you with a toaster in the bathtub... You were warned. 5 Minutes later... Foamy: Okay, It's been another five minutes and now I'm even more hungry than I was five minutes ago so now is the time you have to rise and bring forth your squirrel to the... bagle shop. Where I can get the cream cheese the creamy creamy cheese, cheesy cheesy cream. C'mon, get up. Don't be so lazy. I mean you don’t do anything all day anyway., all you do is write in your stupid little poetry book. Like you have some kind of hectic life. "Oh, I gotta go to school. Oh, I gotta take classes. Oh, I gotta do homework. Aw, life is hard, man." that nuts, get up, take me to the store, man. Do it now. Do it now. Do it now... or taste my squirrely wrath! I do have squirrely wrath, you know. It's one of our hidden nature things. Germaine: Give me five more minutes. 5 minutes later... Germaine: Ten more minutes. Foamy: Ten minutes? You did not just say ten minutes. Correct me if I am wrong, I think I heard you say ten minutes. That is complete bullnuts. I already gave you two sets of five. That's ten! Can you count? Five, five, ten. Get your fat ass up and get me to the bagle shop! You know what! fine! I don't even want your help. I'm gonna get myself to the the bagle shop, I'm gonna buy myself the bagle with the creamy creamy cheesy cream... cheese. You get nothing, you sit there all day, relax your day away. Or whatever you humans do. Piece of crap! -END Copyright: Jonathan Ian Mathers: 2004. www.illwillpress.com |
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Post by Gwen on May 10, 2006 20:10:12 GMT -5
I...don't....understand *looks puzzled* maybe its cause i'm english...yeah that'll be it |
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Post by Ifrit on May 12, 2006 13:06:32 GMT -5
If you heard the soundtrack you'd probably like it, foamy isn't meant for everyone lol
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