Post by Ifrit on Aug 2, 2006 11:45:48 GMT -5
Recently I have questioned myself, Do I really have reason here? Am I really that bad of a person? Do I deserve all the pain I have dealt with really? Did I deserve he love that I have shared? Did I deserve all that has happened to me lately? All my scars, do they really belong there? Was I meant to dwell in my own pain and sorrow alone?
The answers that I have came up with for those questions, were left open. Recently, I’ve been making larger than life mistakes, worst of all losing one that I have loved for 2 years. All because of my stupidity really. And I miss him. And I still love him, but worst comes to worst This wasn’t the first time we broke up. And it never was in person or on the phone, always on the computer. Only because I couldn’t find the strength to do it in voice, only in words.
Don’t get me wrong, but this isn’t about him mostly. He’d probably never come back to me after all this hell. I just threw away 2 years of what we had, over stupid stuff. But anyways, the past month I’ve been having problems, and that is one of the reasons why me and him probably weren’t getting along. Because not realizing I took all of it out on him. And now that I think back to all of our arguments, I took it out on him. Always after it happens and it’s over you realize what mistakes you made.
I’ve gone days and weeks without sleep, only the you’d know how hard it is to stay awake all the time with nothing but guilt on your mind weighing you down. Always keeping your mind running, and you awake. Your always contradicting yourself all the time. And then you wonder,” What Have I done so wrong, and why?” My recent days have been rough with the no sleep and also I’ve been training myself to death to try and build strength back in my knees so I can get at least 2 more runs so I can graduate to black belt two more times. It been hectic, also with no real life friends, no time to yourself. . . It’s even more difficult because all you want is people to care about you when you have no one, and even your own parents don’t care. Last school year all my friends found new ones, and slowly pushed me away. . . . I called and they were never home and they never called me back. I’d always make the plans to hang out and they always just reject them. . . Am I that bad of a person?
I tried to seek guidance, but my whole family turns their back on me, and no one else would listen. So please if you read t his, whether you hate me or not, tell me what you think of me. Tell me how I can get through all of this and fix the hell I have caused. . . Sometimes I wish I never existed, and maybe the world would be better without me. And other reasons why I can’t seek help here are the reasons that will go unnamed.. . . So if you would be kind enough to help me I’d appriciate it. Really I would.
The answers that I have came up with for those questions, were left open. Recently, I’ve been making larger than life mistakes, worst of all losing one that I have loved for 2 years. All because of my stupidity really. And I miss him. And I still love him, but worst comes to worst This wasn’t the first time we broke up. And it never was in person or on the phone, always on the computer. Only because I couldn’t find the strength to do it in voice, only in words.
Don’t get me wrong, but this isn’t about him mostly. He’d probably never come back to me after all this hell. I just threw away 2 years of what we had, over stupid stuff. But anyways, the past month I’ve been having problems, and that is one of the reasons why me and him probably weren’t getting along. Because not realizing I took all of it out on him. And now that I think back to all of our arguments, I took it out on him. Always after it happens and it’s over you realize what mistakes you made.
I’ve gone days and weeks without sleep, only the you’d know how hard it is to stay awake all the time with nothing but guilt on your mind weighing you down. Always keeping your mind running, and you awake. Your always contradicting yourself all the time. And then you wonder,” What Have I done so wrong, and why?” My recent days have been rough with the no sleep and also I’ve been training myself to death to try and build strength back in my knees so I can get at least 2 more runs so I can graduate to black belt two more times. It been hectic, also with no real life friends, no time to yourself. . . It’s even more difficult because all you want is people to care about you when you have no one, and even your own parents don’t care. Last school year all my friends found new ones, and slowly pushed me away. . . . I called and they were never home and they never called me back. I’d always make the plans to hang out and they always just reject them. . . Am I that bad of a person?
I tried to seek guidance, but my whole family turns their back on me, and no one else would listen. So please if you read t his, whether you hate me or not, tell me what you think of me. Tell me how I can get through all of this and fix the hell I have caused. . . Sometimes I wish I never existed, and maybe the world would be better without me. And other reasons why I can’t seek help here are the reasons that will go unnamed.. . . So if you would be kind enough to help me I’d appriciate it. Really I would.
