Post by Ifrit on Jun 30, 2007 22:11:56 GMT -5
. . . I've been having a really hard time here. I havn't heard from my Bethany love from over a year, has anyone? I miss her. . . She was my true sanity. . . Someone I could talk to, and now I can't because I havn't seen her around. Also. . I miss my partner in crime. . Lhiata(SP?) Or Also known as Lhee. . . . I havn't spoken to her really at all. . . . Everytime I grow attached to something I'm tired of it being torn away from me. . . .
Recently, my boyfriend broke up with me, and I'm still taking it hard even after it's been about 2 1/2 weeks. And he isn't making it any better. And it was all over something stupid and turned even worse, making himself look like a victim. . . I couldn't handle it so I resorted to a few bad choices, to relieve stress, and it's still not helping. . Only made things on MY end worse. . And I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!
I'm tired of everyone IMing me asking,"What's wrong?" Or the famous question of the week. . " What happened?" I'm tired of it. . Especially this one person who keeps calling me after I tell her not to ask about what happened. . . It's no ones but my own business. . . And they should realize it hurts to be asked such questions. . yeah I screwed up, BIG time. . But it was nothing bad. . Who cares. . I didn't go to every one running saying," Oh I cheated on my boyfriend." When it really wasn't cheating. . . He's the one who did that and screwed my schooling life up, no one will talk to me now. . . And of course he asked his step dad if what I did was cheating and of course he's gonna say it is. . He wants to make a good impression on my ex as his new step dad. . . Makes me so mad. . .
{Just in case you were wondering what I did}
How it all happened in a nut shell:
June 1st. . . one of the last few days of school. The school band went on a competition trip. To a school for competition, and then to Great Escape. A 3 hour bus ride up and back. And we were bored the way up, so yeah we talked. Then after the 3 hours of talking, sleeping, and talking. We made it to the competition, warmed up, and played, won a superior award with a score of 92 and got on the bus, we all changed into bathing suits and such.(don't ask how. . . it's hard to explain) and then left to a half hour drive to the amusement park. Get there, me and a few friends hung out, and ditched a few people who were really annoying and getting my the nerve of mine that is labeled" I WILL KILL IF YOU IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH OF YOU!" so I had to calm down, because all they did was vote me to sit out on double rides since we had an odd number of people in our hand selected group. We had fun with that for a while. I was gonna deck her one. . But I held back for my sanity. . . So yeah yada yada 6 hours at that rip off park where for 3 pieces of small pizza was 21 dollars. . . and some cheap rides. So we get back on the bus, I was way out of it with a HUGE headache. . . And someone gave me tylenol. . which made me worse BTW. . . And we all played a game of truth and dare. . . We were, about 6 of us, 4 girls 4 guys, and we played. Some made out with eachother and it went no further than that. . . Me and my best friend was dared to make out. . . And stupid me on some tylenol made out with him. . I felt nothing from it, and he enjoyed he because he always wanted to. . . I never wanted to do it again. . . and well. . . I felt HORRIBLE after I did that. We all swore not to tell anyone, and no one did. . But I HAD to tell my ex, or I couldn't live with myself. . . The next day. . . I told my ex what had happened . . And he got really mad, and I could see and understand why. . . I made him swear he couldn't do or say anything to anyone. And he did. . . But then, he broke that promise by asking his step dad. . . Then started with throwing it back in my face. . When he was not innocent either. . . He always had this chick all over him, he was taking her places alone, this and that, and he was trying to tell me he didn't do anything with her. . . And I still don't buy it. . . .4 years. . I wasted all the time I had which I could of had fun with.. . .With him. About a week after I told him what had happened. . . He left me. . Saying that he couldn't sleep, and yada yada, making it sound like he was the victim. He didn't even help me to try and fix what had happened. he said he tried to forget and this and that, when all he did was yell at me, and throw what had happened back in my face after he promised. . . . Then he left me a voice mail on my phone saying, You should be sorry, this and that. All week I tried to forget, and I couldn't and this is the only thing that makes me feel better. All I did was beg you and you yelled at me, and yada yada. He never EVER begged me, apologized for yelling at me. . he told all these people everything in REVERSE. He was the one yelling at me. . I've been spending most of my time that week trying to get him to forgive me, but the I realized. . I did nothing wrong but play a game. . . While he was out basically getting molested by this girl for our whole relationship. . . He turned it around like I was the bad guy, and he was innocent. . . Then in one of his art classes. . he blurts out to someone who said that had the worst weekend ever. "ATLEAST YOU DIDN'T GET CHEATED ON!" Infront of all my ex-best friends. . . No one looks at me the same anymore, because of him. . . All I do is cry now, because I gave up everything for him. . . While he was at my concerts for band, that girl was there for choir. . . And all she did while she waited to go up, was hide behind my boyfriend and sink as close to him as possible. Or he was running between the lobby and aud of the school to go see her, it was like his friendship with her was more important than us. . . He didn't think I could see what he was doing from the stage, but I could. . . And it hurts. . . All I do is cry now. . I threw EVERYTHING away for him, all my friends. . . Because he convinced me to. . .And I believed him because I saw what they were doing to me. . . Now I have no one . . My parents only use me when they want me or when I have money. . And at the moment he just left me at the wrong time . . Where I need him most. . . Now. . there is no one. .
Anyways off that subject. . . .
Today. . my brat of a sister who is 18 now. . . Who gets anything she wanted. . Threw a party. . We went to go pick up the cupcakes, that were supposed to be a rainbow, but they weren't. So I am with my grandmother going into Wally World (Wal-Mart) the biggest place at the top of my list next to the mall, of which I hate.
LOONNGG story short, they screwed up again with our orders, and instead of a rainbow with reds pinks and whatever is in a rainbow, they were red, yellow, and blue, made very crappy. . And whole argument was made over it that the lady started. She was lucky I wasn't buying them or ordered them otherwise she'd be tasting the rainbow, along with my fist. . She dared run her mouth and roll her eyes at me. . . And I was ready to flip. So after the argument, many people in line behind us left with us, because they didn't want their possible screwed up orders either.
The party . . Oh yeah FUN AND EXCITING! Not. . Just as I thought my day was getting better, it was getting worse. . The party was boring only people who were there was My sister, mom, dad, my sister's boyfriend, his sister, and his sister's boyfriend, and my brother. My sister only hung out with them, and we were at my grandmothers to swim. No one but my brother and I swam, she was swearing and hitting my brother while I wasn't there I guess. . . She was treating us like dirt and her boyfriends sister like gold. . Mom was mad she spent all this money for nothing. SO since they didn't swim, we ended up at our house, bought pizza, and I stayed in the house away from her and chilled with my brother who treats me like crap. And all she did was be all OVER her boytoy and so wasn't his sister all over her boyfriend. . . And it was just gross. . . So they set up a tent because his sister was staying the night with my sister outside and the boys were leaving. . WELL come to find out, his sister and her boyfriend were. . . "doing" it in the tent while my sisters boyfriend and her were on the other side of the yard. And my parents were outside. . . Can you say. . Disrespectful? I mean come on, IN MY YARD!? All I had to say, was they were lucky I didn't take my dad's 22 and shoot them both. . . There is a young boy in this household, and especially it is rude and disgusting to do so in someones house, EVEN OUTSIDE! So dad seen the tent. . "moving" he yelled to mom, and they were getting their clothes back on, and her boyfriend took off with my sisters. . . So they are banned from here. .
My sisters boyfriend has no respect for anyone either, he uses my sister for. ."things" and every time he sees me, he says something rude, or nasty about me. . . He's lucky I hadn't challenged him to a fight yet. . . He'd end up with my blade in his head, he thinks he can take me on. .. Then he can think so, whatever helps him sleep before I make his sleep permanent. I've had it with such rude disrespecting people. And when my sisters friend leaves tomorrow, she's getting decked in her mouth by me. I'm tired of her talking about me, saying she does everything and plays victim. . . I'm tired of it. .She does nothing but play princess and get defended by my grandmother while I slave away. She wants to hang out in the city and come back with some nasty attitude, I'll show her how the city folk work . . . Especially towards the ones that run their mouths, she wants to act city, she'll get city. My patience with this world is growing very very. . thin, and I can't take much more. .I am fried. . I havn't slept, or anything really. . Even if I do, it's only for a hour or 2. . I'm tired of babysitting my sister. . and acting like a mother to children who are my siblings. . . I am tired of it. . I have NO life. . . I can't even have time to myself. . I get one chance to relax, and I'm called to do something while everyone plays "I'm tired" and sleeps all day, while I go at it. . . its redicilious. . . Really it is. . .
I think I am done ranting. . . . For now . . .I have a feeling I may add more. . But all this is redicilious. . I did all this running for her today, and I get treated like dirt. . .
Added today July Friday the 13th 1:29 am.
Yeah. . I am mad. . Yesterday ALL DAY. . I was armed with a paintbrust, and brown paint. re-painting the house. . BY MYSELF! I understand, yeah dad can't do it, he TRIED to help, but he's not allowed on the ladder after his fall, and breakage of that one weird bone in his foot. So okay, he's out of the question. And mom is working, so ok, just leaves me and the company of music, dad and the dog for now. Until the two brats come home from summer school.
So 3 hours of being on a ladder in the blazing heat and sun, wanting to get a good dent in it. My sister comes home from summer school, and starts laughing that I am up there. Sun burnt and dead tired. I ask her to help me out. They little. . . Ya know. . . . LIED TO ME! "I'm not going up there. . . I'm afraid of heights" Yeah ok since when? She was NEVER afraid of heights.
So she hides in the house waiting by the phone like a good little pet waiting for her boyfriend to call. . > Psh what a lazy loser.
My brother comes home, he runs into the house. . .
SO NOW ALL DAY TODAY. . AROUND NOON LATER MAYBE I AM STUCK PAINTING THE HOUSE AGAIN ALONE!!!! WTD!
Recently, my boyfriend broke up with me, and I'm still taking it hard even after it's been about 2 1/2 weeks. And he isn't making it any better. And it was all over something stupid and turned even worse, making himself look like a victim. . . I couldn't handle it so I resorted to a few bad choices, to relieve stress, and it's still not helping. . Only made things on MY end worse. . And I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!
I'm tired of everyone IMing me asking,"What's wrong?" Or the famous question of the week. . " What happened?" I'm tired of it. . Especially this one person who keeps calling me after I tell her not to ask about what happened. . . It's no ones but my own business. . . And they should realize it hurts to be asked such questions. . yeah I screwed up, BIG time. . But it was nothing bad. . Who cares. . I didn't go to every one running saying," Oh I cheated on my boyfriend." When it really wasn't cheating. . . He's the one who did that and screwed my schooling life up, no one will talk to me now. . . And of course he asked his step dad if what I did was cheating and of course he's gonna say it is. . He wants to make a good impression on my ex as his new step dad. . . Makes me so mad. . .
{Just in case you were wondering what I did}
How it all happened in a nut shell:
June 1st. . . one of the last few days of school. The school band went on a competition trip. To a school for competition, and then to Great Escape. A 3 hour bus ride up and back. And we were bored the way up, so yeah we talked. Then after the 3 hours of talking, sleeping, and talking. We made it to the competition, warmed up, and played, won a superior award with a score of 92 and got on the bus, we all changed into bathing suits and such.(don't ask how. . . it's hard to explain) and then left to a half hour drive to the amusement park. Get there, me and a few friends hung out, and ditched a few people who were really annoying and getting my the nerve of mine that is labeled" I WILL KILL IF YOU IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH OF YOU!" so I had to calm down, because all they did was vote me to sit out on double rides since we had an odd number of people in our hand selected group. We had fun with that for a while. I was gonna deck her one. . But I held back for my sanity. . . So yeah yada yada 6 hours at that rip off park where for 3 pieces of small pizza was 21 dollars. . . and some cheap rides. So we get back on the bus, I was way out of it with a HUGE headache. . . And someone gave me tylenol. . which made me worse BTW. . . And we all played a game of truth and dare. . . We were, about 6 of us, 4 girls 4 guys, and we played. Some made out with eachother and it went no further than that. . . Me and my best friend was dared to make out. . . And stupid me on some tylenol made out with him. . I felt nothing from it, and he enjoyed he because he always wanted to. . . I never wanted to do it again. . . and well. . . I felt HORRIBLE after I did that. We all swore not to tell anyone, and no one did. . But I HAD to tell my ex, or I couldn't live with myself. . . The next day. . . I told my ex what had happened . . And he got really mad, and I could see and understand why. . . I made him swear he couldn't do or say anything to anyone. And he did. . . But then, he broke that promise by asking his step dad. . . Then started with throwing it back in my face. . When he was not innocent either. . . He always had this chick all over him, he was taking her places alone, this and that, and he was trying to tell me he didn't do anything with her. . . And I still don't buy it. . . .4 years. . I wasted all the time I had which I could of had fun with.. . .With him. About a week after I told him what had happened. . . He left me. . Saying that he couldn't sleep, and yada yada, making it sound like he was the victim. He didn't even help me to try and fix what had happened. he said he tried to forget and this and that, when all he did was yell at me, and throw what had happened back in my face after he promised. . . . Then he left me a voice mail on my phone saying, You should be sorry, this and that. All week I tried to forget, and I couldn't and this is the only thing that makes me feel better. All I did was beg you and you yelled at me, and yada yada. He never EVER begged me, apologized for yelling at me. . he told all these people everything in REVERSE. He was the one yelling at me. . I've been spending most of my time that week trying to get him to forgive me, but the I realized. . I did nothing wrong but play a game. . . While he was out basically getting molested by this girl for our whole relationship. . . He turned it around like I was the bad guy, and he was innocent. . . Then in one of his art classes. . he blurts out to someone who said that had the worst weekend ever. "ATLEAST YOU DIDN'T GET CHEATED ON!" Infront of all my ex-best friends. . . No one looks at me the same anymore, because of him. . . All I do is cry now, because I gave up everything for him. . . While he was at my concerts for band, that girl was there for choir. . . And all she did while she waited to go up, was hide behind my boyfriend and sink as close to him as possible. Or he was running between the lobby and aud of the school to go see her, it was like his friendship with her was more important than us. . . He didn't think I could see what he was doing from the stage, but I could. . . And it hurts. . . All I do is cry now. . I threw EVERYTHING away for him, all my friends. . . Because he convinced me to. . .And I believed him because I saw what they were doing to me. . . Now I have no one . . My parents only use me when they want me or when I have money. . And at the moment he just left me at the wrong time . . Where I need him most. . . Now. . there is no one. .
Anyways off that subject. . . .
Today. . my brat of a sister who is 18 now. . . Who gets anything she wanted. . Threw a party. . We went to go pick up the cupcakes, that were supposed to be a rainbow, but they weren't. So I am with my grandmother going into Wally World (Wal-Mart) the biggest place at the top of my list next to the mall, of which I hate.
LOONNGG story short, they screwed up again with our orders, and instead of a rainbow with reds pinks and whatever is in a rainbow, they were red, yellow, and blue, made very crappy. . And whole argument was made over it that the lady started. She was lucky I wasn't buying them or ordered them otherwise she'd be tasting the rainbow, along with my fist. . She dared run her mouth and roll her eyes at me. . . And I was ready to flip. So after the argument, many people in line behind us left with us, because they didn't want their possible screwed up orders either.
The party . . Oh yeah FUN AND EXCITING! Not. . Just as I thought my day was getting better, it was getting worse. . The party was boring only people who were there was My sister, mom, dad, my sister's boyfriend, his sister, and his sister's boyfriend, and my brother. My sister only hung out with them, and we were at my grandmothers to swim. No one but my brother and I swam, she was swearing and hitting my brother while I wasn't there I guess. . . She was treating us like dirt and her boyfriends sister like gold. . Mom was mad she spent all this money for nothing. SO since they didn't swim, we ended up at our house, bought pizza, and I stayed in the house away from her and chilled with my brother who treats me like crap. And all she did was be all OVER her boytoy and so wasn't his sister all over her boyfriend. . . And it was just gross. . . So they set up a tent because his sister was staying the night with my sister outside and the boys were leaving. . WELL come to find out, his sister and her boyfriend were. . . "doing" it in the tent while my sisters boyfriend and her were on the other side of the yard. And my parents were outside. . . Can you say. . Disrespectful? I mean come on, IN MY YARD!? All I had to say, was they were lucky I didn't take my dad's 22 and shoot them both. . . There is a young boy in this household, and especially it is rude and disgusting to do so in someones house, EVEN OUTSIDE! So dad seen the tent. . "moving" he yelled to mom, and they were getting their clothes back on, and her boyfriend took off with my sisters. . . So they are banned from here. .
My sisters boyfriend has no respect for anyone either, he uses my sister for. ."things" and every time he sees me, he says something rude, or nasty about me. . . He's lucky I hadn't challenged him to a fight yet. . . He'd end up with my blade in his head, he thinks he can take me on. .. Then he can think so, whatever helps him sleep before I make his sleep permanent. I've had it with such rude disrespecting people. And when my sisters friend leaves tomorrow, she's getting decked in her mouth by me. I'm tired of her talking about me, saying she does everything and plays victim. . . I'm tired of it. .She does nothing but play princess and get defended by my grandmother while I slave away. She wants to hang out in the city and come back with some nasty attitude, I'll show her how the city folk work . . . Especially towards the ones that run their mouths, she wants to act city, she'll get city. My patience with this world is growing very very. . thin, and I can't take much more. .I am fried. . I havn't slept, or anything really. . Even if I do, it's only for a hour or 2. . I'm tired of babysitting my sister. . and acting like a mother to children who are my siblings. . . I am tired of it. . I have NO life. . . I can't even have time to myself. . I get one chance to relax, and I'm called to do something while everyone plays "I'm tired" and sleeps all day, while I go at it. . . its redicilious. . . Really it is. . .
I think I am done ranting. . . . For now . . .I have a feeling I may add more. . But all this is redicilious. . I did all this running for her today, and I get treated like dirt. . .
Added today July Friday the 13th 1:29 am.
Yeah. . I am mad. . Yesterday ALL DAY. . I was armed with a paintbrust, and brown paint. re-painting the house. . BY MYSELF! I understand, yeah dad can't do it, he TRIED to help, but he's not allowed on the ladder after his fall, and breakage of that one weird bone in his foot. So okay, he's out of the question. And mom is working, so ok, just leaves me and the company of music, dad and the dog for now. Until the two brats come home from summer school.
So 3 hours of being on a ladder in the blazing heat and sun, wanting to get a good dent in it. My sister comes home from summer school, and starts laughing that I am up there. Sun burnt and dead tired. I ask her to help me out. They little. . . Ya know. . . . LIED TO ME! "I'm not going up there. . . I'm afraid of heights" Yeah ok since when? She was NEVER afraid of heights.
So she hides in the house waiting by the phone like a good little pet waiting for her boyfriend to call. . > Psh what a lazy loser.
My brother comes home, he runs into the house. . .
SO NOW ALL DAY TODAY. . AROUND NOON LATER MAYBE I AM STUCK PAINTING THE HOUSE AGAIN ALONE!!!! WTD!
